Category: life

Meditation Evolved, a Musing into new methods and techniques: Mental Health Awareness Month 2021

As I’ve drafted this article, I’ve thought about what I want to cover and how I want to cover it. I’ve written about meditation in the past, an article covering 9 months of meditation and my thoughts on making it a regular practice.

With the Pandemic this last year, I set a goal to meditate consecutively for an entire year, a goal that I will have reached as of publishing this article. This year I wanted to dive deeper into my practice and go beyond simply taking time out of each day to inhale and exhale.

In college, I meditated sporadically whenever I was feeling stressed as a way to cope beyond journaling and exercise. It felt like a missing piece to a puzzle that I couldn’t quite solve. 5 minutes a day was not a long time and time I gladly spared to slow life down and breathe.

Since 2019, I’ve suffered from terrible anxiety. Panic attacks that led to me freezing and the cause as of yet, I do not know. And then, the Pandemic hit. My stress was through the roof, so I decided to try meditation again and this time see what could be with daily practice. 5 minutes became 10 minutes and 10 minutes became 20 with seemingly no fuss dedicating the extra time to just be with myself. I’ve tried 30 minutes based off of studies but 20 minutes is adequate for most of my needs.

I feel better and my anxiety, to my knowledge, is lessened. There are breathing techniques to calm to help with sleep and there are others that help manage anxiety and ultimately dispel it altogether. Whenever I’m stressed, I tell myself to breathe.

At the moment, I’m currently exploring the lessons on Headspace, craving knowledge of what meditation can be. Headspace recently released a Netflix special and it helped quantify and refine my methods.

For the first time in my life this last year, I’ve started having conversations about meditation with my friends, having previously thought I was relatively unique in the interest. While my friends are new to meditation, I’m happy to see that mental health is becoming a topic at the forefront of everyone’s minds.

A couple weeks ago, I finally reached the 365 day milestone, solidifying meditation as the longest continuous habit I have ever done. A year of my life spent, breathing and learning, it honestly feels great.

My life at the moment is extremely chaotic. My mood shifts from hope to despair from day to day and my anxiety prevents a lot of the complex goals I’ve set for myself from being completed. I’ve started running again but meditation has proven the strongest for calming myself. This May, take time for yourself and remember to breathe. The world is in chaos, so it’s imperative that we slow it down for ourselves. Look inward and start with 5 minutes. Listen to the sounds around you and simply note thoughts that arise. This is the year for looking inward.

Late night musing: June 2020 (Now February 2021) Apocalypse Edition

Another late night in the Pandemic, sleep increasingly harder to come by. When I was in College, I remember writing in my journal late at night, making sense of my thoughts. In recent years, I have found less of a need to journal. My stress levels are typically low and the journal entries went from my darkest shadows to generally upbeat and hopeful. Now, it feels like information fatigue, losing the ability to disconnect from the world in my isolation. My thoughts race and while I can control how I think and approach problems, silencing my late night thoughts has become more elusive. When I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, I’ve been programming. Spending hours coding and eventually watching the sunrise through my window. I’ve been watching Netflix off and on, trying to keep my interest with shows,”Patriot Act” being a personal favorite. But I can’t seem to find balance, and the calm I do find, is fleeting. My whole life I’ve positioned myself for success but have seemingly fallen on my face time and time again. Happiness is fleeting and while I’m not depressed, I am anxious even though I arguably understand my anxiety better now than I did before.

Throughout the Pandemic, I’ve gotten back into the art of doing. Less talk, more action. But to what end? In my pursuit of knowledge, I am left with the haunting fact that the world is run by morons, at least in the United States.

This article is written sporadically. If I wake up in the night, I write here. I thought I was done after getting one good nights rest.

It is now 2021, February, 6am. I, as of now, have been writing since 2am. Going to bed at 10pm, I woke up and spent a brief moment trying to lull myself back to sleep. Instead, I “made” a hot pocket, poured some coffee and got to work on my mental health awareness month articles for May. Most likely, I’ll stay up for a couple more hours and then take a “nap” around 9am, waking up once more around 2pm or 3. Then I’ll do basically nothing until bed, which now ranges from 9pm to 6am; without a job, time has begun to lost its meaning. But it’s important to simply write, capture a moment and today has been arguably the most productive in the last couple of weeks. But the Pandemic is taking its toll, I’m ok with acknowledging that now. No amount of meditation will fix that (although I’d probably have gone insane if I didn’t). So here we are, wrapping up my late night thoughts, which has now transitioned into early morning thoughts. I’ll probably finish up a couple more articles before bed or give in and watch Zac Efron’s “Down to Earth” which has been quite enjoyable to watch thus far. Who knows where the day will take me, I write my own rules now.

December 2020 update: Fire and Ice

So it’s December. The year is coming to an end. Twenty twenty. What a year. My hair now covers one of my eyes and I have added a Cabin Fever tracker to my weekly planner. Ambition has begun to falter and the days seemingly blur. So, let’s jump in.

What’s New?

The blog has been going strong this year and we’ve surpassed visitors from 2018, which was my initial goal for the year. More followers have joined the site and I expect more to join as we head into 2021. Writing has provided a much needed reprieve from the chaos of the world and I’m happy with this year.

Articles in Advance

Perhaps one of the most exciting changes on the backend is that with the work that’s gone into the new blog format, I can now start planning more articles in advance. Instead of a stressful May and April, writing an article a week at a time, I’m gradually writing the articles as the ideas pop up.

Patreon and Marketing

Patreon has been updated based off of feedback, not much has changed there. As it stands, Patreon isn’t feasible as a sole source of income, which is fine. I’ll still tinker with it as I like having the option to have a little extra money on the side for expenses. Marketing has become much more exciting. Twitter posts are now threads and the official Facebook page is easy enough to maintain. I’m simply focused on having fun with each respective platform rather than putting pressure on myself to generate growth on each.

Time to Think

This year has been an experiment. In September I turned 27 and I’ve been in a mad dash to make the most of my twenties. I’ve since taken some time to slow down and not be so frustrated that I’m not learning to paint, play piano, learn French, and code all while simultaneously trying to find a new job. I did an informational interview recently to see about writing in a corporate setting and it made me realize that hobby writing is really what I enjoy. Editing would be fun, but anything more might be more stress than it’s worth. I plan to build a portfolio for my writing and coding but I’m honestly glad I studied Business Management and am planning a Masters in Data Analytics. If I can get through 2020, I believe 2021 will be my year as I become more focused in what I want to do with my life. 2020 was my year of bold and 2021 I want to be my year of change.

Goals for the blog

Understanding where I stand with my writing, my ideal is to simply keep growing on WordPress and eventually getting more engagement; I’m grateful that I get some engagement here and there but I dream of a world where every post has a discussion attached to it. I have the recipe for success after this year of soul searching, now it’s just seeing if the ingredients are of the same caliber.

Writing Outside of the blog

I am still wanting to publish a book! However, with my reassessment on life, I’ve come to realize that it is not a pressing urgency; a fun to-do that can continually be pushed back. More pressing would be building a portfolio and contributing to different writing communities from time to time. That’s the plan anyways.

Deleted Posts and private posts: A 2020 musing

So today I felt like writing. Some days are like that. Roll out of bed, drink some coffee, and write. In honor of the 5 year anniversary of the blog, we’re going to be taking a look back and simply enjoy the stories that have been told throughout the years. Half a decade is a long time to be doing anything and I’ve been writing for the better part of 8 years. I’ve been a reader and a blogger throughout that time. I’ve watched blogs grow and die yet what you don’t see are the posts unseen. The articles made private and the ones deleted in the blink of an eye. I used to have a thousand drafts of articles never written, ideas never allowed to blossom. I tried a revival series once upon a time, taking my drafts and using the titles as prompts. Some were a few weeks old, others years old.

Writing is tough. If topics aren’t covered gracefully, people lose interest and at worst, you are offending people. One of my now deleted posts was one of my first posts on religion. Nothing crazy but a post I deleted nonetheless. Finding your footing is hard and all too often we’re afraid to stumble. Another discarded draft was on gun violence, back when people weren’t all too numb to the record setting shootings we have in the US. Another, a late night ramble made private concerning my relationship status, which is still very much single. We live in the information age and for the most part I’ve enjoyed what technology has brought to offer. I have a voice and that’s beautiful.

I always try to stray away from these ramble topics. I like content focused articles but honestly, ramble writing is therapeutic. In that sense, the blog hasn’t changed so much in the last 5 years. My writing has become more focused over time but a ramble is still a ramble. This post would be easy to delete, to stop half way through but I always find it an interesting perspective looking back. By keeping my posts, I’ve essentially created my very own time machine, where I can remember exact moments where I was in a given moment. My young adult life, well documented, for the world to see. So now, when I write, it’s with the intent to publish. And to be honest, I regret deleting my earlier posts. God and I have a complicated relationship but reading my thought process at a time when I was full blown atheist was fascinating. Over time, the article will fade into the abyss, but I have to wonder if I’ll ever tackle religion again in its full beauty. And gun violence? I wouldn’t even know where to start; it used to be a top concern for the US but years of inaction have left the point mute.

And that’s it! Just felt like writing today in a more relaxed tone. Over the coming months I’m getting an itch for poetry and short stories so we’ll see what happens later on this year. I’ll be trying out some writing workshops here and there as well, so we’ll see if there’s any noticeable change. And my book? still very much a work in progress, just a lot of research and fear of publishing but I’m committed. And if you like what I write, please like, follow, and share with others who might enjoy my writing! This year I’m making the push to grow the blog so I can eventually write full time. In a perfect world, I’d be traveling, writing, and learning. We’ve already surpassed 2019 in terms of everything, so we’re on the right track. The year is shaping up to look a lot like 2018 but I’m confident that we’ll surpass 2018. I have a lot planned for the year and I’m excited. Below is a link to my Patreon and Ko-Fi, I do everything on this blog by myself, so the donations help! Whether it’s a one time donation or a subscription, I cannot express how grateful I am for any support.

Support this blog!

And that’s it! Let me know what your thoughts are! I am always open to feedback!

%d bloggers like this: