No safe harbor: adventures in dating

This month I’ve been trying to write an article a week in continuation of my Mental Health Awareness month series. If you’ve been with the blog a while, you’ll have noticed a sprinkle of relationship talk here and there. It’s a topic long avoided as it has always been my most frustrating challenge. Over the years, I’ve become an expert in dating, which, to be frank, no one should become an expert in. Ideally, I want a meet-cute and if you think I curated environments where I was more likely to bump into a cute girl, you’d be correct. Bars, Coffee shops, and book stores. It was a simple plan or so I thought. Pro tip: work on yourself before you start dating, it’ll make life a whole lot easier. But we’re not here for cute stories this Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re here for the dark side of dating. The, “What happens when you install Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, and OKcupid all at once”, when the dating process gets taken to the extreme. So sit back, buckle up, and get ready as I delve into the emotional cost of dating when it becomes a numbers game.

The idea was simple: I wanted to be in a relationship and the more exposure I had, the more likely I was to end up in a relationship (thank you marketing classes!). So I worked on my pickup game, using lines such as “Hey baby, hand me an ice pick, cause I need to break the ice” or “Dein augen sind sie sterne “. Tinder in the beginning was fun, I had a date once in every blue moon and I got to practice having a conversation with a girl (I’m joking!). Some dates were good, others bad but all in all, not terrible. Then I had my college flame that eventually started a forest fire. I demoed well with the European demographic during my time in Germany; Berlin will always hold a special place in my heart. After college, I stopped dating for one simple reason; it’s expensive and I didn’t have money.

Fast forward to a point where I did have money and as they say “You either die the hero or live long enough to watch yourself become the villain”. I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count and where once I was adamant that you should always respond, I now understand. A thousand “Hi Mike’s” later and I can’t be bothered. Unlike the ring cast into the fires of Mordor, even if I were to uninstall tinder, it would always find it’s way back. The constant swiping is short term fun, but not healthy. Tinder is my least successful of the dating apps. First comes Okcupid, second is Bumble, third is Hinge, and Tinder is dead last. The fact that I can list my top dating apps should sound the siren and wave the red flag.


I’m resisting the urge to tell my dating life story right now as I must stay focused. And that’s to answer the simple question, are dating apps healthy? The simple answer is no. I’ll be the first to say it, but truly, fuck capitalism. We have turned what was once sacred into an economy of scale. If you don’t understand how truly messed up that is, I envy you. What once used to be “what you see is all there is” or WYSIATI is now “What you see is all there is, but if I swipe left maybe there is something else” or better known as WYSIATIBIISLMTISE (or in other words, complete gibberish!). My last date was a second date affair, where my lover already had another man lined up and waited until a couple weeks after our second date to tell me. And this coming after I had already friended her on Animal Crossing, so if that doesn’t scream “monster” I don’t know what does. It is absolutely insane. A culture of flirting around, a lack of vulnerability, and a lack of commitment.

So what can be done?

While it would be nice to leave this article without a call to action, I feel like I should share my knowledge. This last year has been a drastic improvement to my love life. Dating has been fun, dating apps have not been. That said, the most fun I’ve had is the flirting and the courting. While I must remember that a relationship is the end goal, there is something to be said about being in your 20’s and simply putting yourself out there. My main rule of thumb is that if you’re going on dates with someone, don’t date other people. That is commitment 101; from the first date to the last date, you have my full attention. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work but that takes away the worry that has become so common in our dating culture; the “am I good enough or will they choose the slightly better option?” Also keep in mind, courting is different than going on dates with someone. If you’re courting, just have fun; go to workshops, get coffee, and simply enjoy yourself; if someone likes you enough, they’ll go on a date with you. My favorite moments have been my meet-cute’s. moments where I go to a zoo brew on a whim and a cute girl comes over to talk to me or drinking at a bar to have someone remember me from last time (not an alcoholic). They’re fun, precious, and should be enjoyed. To combat dating app culture, I recommend reaching out to your friends and let them know you’re single. Hold on, before you jump to conclusions, I am not saying date your friends (although, hmm… I’ve heard worse ideas). I’m saying people are generally willing to help a friend out and there’s no greater joy than playing matchmaker (I think anyways!). Friends can introduce you and if there’s chemistry, future dates! If there’s not, no harm, no foul!


And that’s it! This concludes the Mental Health Awareness month segment on this blog. Originally, I was not going to cover mental health this month. I was thinking I’d write a quick article and be done. Started in 2018, the series was meant to be a one off; a challenge for myself to articulate vulnerability and eventually talk about my Father’s alcoholism. It was one of the most engaged series I ever wrote and one of the series I could truly be proud of. It’s easy to write about travel, poetry, and the occasional book or movie but mental health is still very much taboo. As such, I’ve decided to make the series annual. Last year I did very little during the month of May, writing a single poem. This year is a return to former glory. As mentioned during previous posts, I took some time to evaluate where I wanted this blog to go and a part of that is a continuation of series. While I won’t dive into too much detail here, expect to see more on the subject next week in my “June 2020 update” post. The update posts will be monthly and act as an outline of what I want to accomplish for the coming month. Posts will typically be once every two weeks to avoid burnout. A reminder that every like, follow, and share helps this blog grow; it may not seem like a lot but it has helped this blog grow this year; 2020 is already on course to surpass the entire year of 2019. In addition, please consider supporting me financially. Every donation is truly appreciated and my patreon is pretty rockin’. As my content grows, eventually my Patreon will include more than just writing. I don’t want to dive into too much detail here, but I’ll include a link below if you’re interested in supporting me!

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And as always, feel free to comment below! My prompt for this article is: if you could give one piece of dating advice you’ve learned over the years, what would it be? Thanks for reading!

Late nights during the apocalypse

This article was originally started in March; a time before I quit my job and a couple weeks into the Pandemic. A couple months later, I’m up, so let’s get it written. It is currently 2:32am. I meditated around 7pm, had a zoom call, practiced German, and did a little bit of coding basics. From 10pm till 11pm I played Earth Defense Force, some Super Tennis, and a couple others on the Nintendo Switch. 11pm to 11:45pm I watched The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. And then, nothing. I browsed the web and got in bed around 12:30am. Listened to ASMR for a couple hours, sleeping mask on and now I have my diffuser filling the room with lavender. It’s strange.

There is seemingly nothing on my mind and yet I can’t sleep. So here I am, sitting late into the night, writing, like I used to with my journal. Monster Cat is currently playing and I’m oddly at peace. I have a lot of projects I’m currently working on and perhaps that is what is keeping me up. I bought a blue yeti mic with the hope to get back into streaming as a means to relax and help with my video editing skills. I’ll also need the mic for video calls and I’m going to start working on podcasting. I’m also thinking of starting a youtube channel but truth be told these are just thoughts. There’s a reason I’ve been practicing habit discipline and staggering habit acquisition. My whole life I have started and stopped, not really knowing where I want to go. Now that I have some direction, I want to ease into it. If I’m not having fun, then what’s the point? Right now, my primary focus is to grow the blog, which has been my pillar for the last 5 years. It’s great to simply have a place to come back to time and time again and be myself. And thank God I did not try a specialty blog.

Getting back to 2018

You’ll hear 2018 referenced a lot in the coming year. 2018 was the year I branched out into poetry, short stories, and special series. While I’m proud of all the content I’ve written throughout the years, 2018 was something special; it carried the momentum from 2016 and 2017, the year I did study abroad. 2015, when I moved from IGN to WordPress, I had a total of 37 views. To put that in perspective, January of this year had 67 views. So remember to smash that like button! Jokes aside, I’m flattered that my blog has become so successful. My favorite aspect of this year is putting in tangible work and seeing tangible results. The blog, as of a couple days ago, has hit 150 followers, ever closer to having a full blown community. I appreciate ever like, comment, and follow. When I say “getting back to 2018” I mean surpassing 2018. 2020 is the start of a new decade and it’s the year I put a bow on everything. In College I lived my life by “firsts” and I want to create new moments by sharpening the saw so to speak.

Sharpening the Saw

I’ve begun intensive learning again. As the blog starts to generate revenue, I’ve slowly begun investing in opportunities to be better. One skill overlooked, if I’m to be honest, is my writing. My writing knowledge is acquired from reading, and well, writing. That’s it. A part of me has envisioned a future where I take workshops and attend seminars and as the blog grows, that is becoming a more apparent reality. Over the last few months, I’ve made the decision that I want to be defined by my creative talents and push past the boundaries of simply dabbling in everything. Writing once every two weeks gives me the time I need. That’s not to say I won’t write more (like this week) but the idea is to have habits form. I like being on the grid and knowing myself, I can always find something to talk about.

As far as late night rambles go…

I’d say this is pretty good. If I can’t sleep I might as well write. This next month will be a busy month and I have big plans for June. I’ll be doing update posts similar to the one you saw in May for the foreseeable future. These posts help me outline what I want to cover in a month and hold me accountable to do so.


And here we are once again! At the end of an article. This year promotion is key. I’ve been thrilled with the amount of support over the last couple months. Every like, comment, and follow has helped this blog gain exposure and grow. Hitting 150 followers was a huge treat for the 5 year anniversary and thanks to everyone who has stuck around. I’d love to see this blog grow to 500 and then eventually 1,000. 500 by the end of this year would be amazing. I have a lot of articles planned for this year and I can’t wait to write them. A reminder that supporting my Patreon is a huge help. This is the first year I’ve received support and it feels great. I have big plans for my Patreon but right now those ideas are just dreams. Remember as well, just reading this article puts a smile on my face, so however you choose to support me is appreciated. Below is the Link to my Ko-fi and Patreon if you’re interested.

Support this blog!

And finally, feel free to comment! I need to get better with the prompts, so let’s try this on for size: how have your nights been during the Pandemic? Are you sleeping like a baby or are you staying up late? What are some techniques you use to cope with the added stress?

My 4 pillars to a meaningful life

So, I scrapped the original article. I found it to be boring and contrived and not what I wanted to write at the moment. Articles are always tricky and a lot of my process is all about flow. If an article is purely informational, that’s no fun for me to write. Originally, this article was a list where I covered my 4 pillars that I’ve used for the last 7 years to guide my behavior: Spiritual, Social/Emotional, Mental, and Physical. If they sound familiar, that’s because they are. I adopted these pillars at a time when I had no guidance, no direction and they’re based off of Stephen Covey’s book “7 Habits for highly Effective People”. But listing my habits and giving advice was too boring. And during a Pandemic, I simply can’t get bored; boredom leads to cabin fever and cabin fever leads to insanity. So I stopped. I wrote about Spiritual and Mental and then I just stopped, wrote another article and said today that it’d just be better to start over. I’ve done lists before but a conversational approach? I’ve also done, but it never gets old.

My final article for this month will be next week and will be a reflection piece. I’m taking a lighter approach this year as my health has drastically improved over the years. Every demon tackled, each new challenge I face is easier than the last or at least, a situation I can handle. A lot of my health, in fact, I owe to my 4 pillars. Originally titled, “My 4 pillars to a happy life”, both titles work in this case. My Sophomore year of College, I fiddled around with the concepts in 7 habits, taking a learn and apply approach. I tried one pillar at a time and while each are great on their own, they only work when practiced together. Spiritual I meditate and find myself in nature. Feeling the grass on my feet, hearing the birds chirp, creeks bubble, and the wind rustle. Spiritual is about being present; that’s all there is to it. It’s about having hope and faith and being content, however you choose to get there. Mental is about knowledge, to which, I am obsessed. I never stop learning. I read, I write, I learn. If the saw is not sharp, then the blade will not cut. It’s about sleep, recharging the battery, and respecting you mind enough to give it a rest. It’s also about respecting your mind by watching what you eat, because let’s face it, you are what you eat. Cliche? Of course. True? Yes, very much. Mental bleeds into physical as your body must be worked. People are lazy and narcissistic and there are many excuses we can make as to why we’re not working out. There’s a reason I was so adamant in expressing the importance of making things fun in “30 days to rule them all” and that’s because we suck at motivation. People don’t like the zig zag that is personal growth, they’d much rather have progress be a straight line. I can say with certainty that I am happier when I work out consistently; even just going on a walk is great. Human beings are not potatoes and we should not be acting as such. Make it fun and the rest will fall in place. Finally, Social and Emotional. During a Pandemic, people are freaking out. I’m not. Why? Because I have this pillar. This pillar is the foundation for healthy relationships, a commitment to making an effort, to be there and show up. I have no time to waste with toxic relationships. To flip back to mental, life is about adaptability. Instead of prioritizing going to workshops, meeting new people and board game nights, I have shifted to video calls, messaging, and my favorite, video games. Chatting with friends while social distancing has been great and while I miss being able to go out, the damage to my health has been mitigated. If you’re not a gamer, I highly recommend it for the social dynamic.

And all these pillars bleed into one another, that is why you can’t pick and choose. If you get enough sleep and eat well, you’ll have more energy to work out, if you work out, sleep, and diet, you’ll be in a better mood to chat with your friends and if you chat with friends you’ll feel great. Spiritual is the glue that gives you breath and reason. So, all connected.


And there you have it, another article for the books. As we wrap up the month of May, I’ll be gearing up for June. This month is a great pause as we take a look at Mental Health. If you’re curious about my other articles, just type “Mental Health” into the search bar. If there are topics you want me to cover, let me know. And if you like my content, consider following, liking, and sharing among your friends. This year we’re already set to surpass 2019 in views and traffic to the website and it is my hope that we surpass 2018, which was my best year for the blog. Also, please consider donating through Ko-fi and subscribing to my Patreon. The Patreon comes with my own discord community server and various tiered rewards to make the subscription fun. At the moment, this is my only source of income, so please consider helping out! Even a dollar means a whole lot. Below is a link to my donation page:

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As always, thanks for reading and stay safe!

Journey’s End: My Final Demon

“The best way out is always through.” – Robert Frost


I’ve had many demons throughout my life. None tougher than coming to terms with the fact that my father is an alcoholic. I have never been OK with this fact and never will be. And it’s not so much the drinking I’ve had issues with (which is bad on it’s own) as it is the lies, the manipulation, and blame games that come along with it.

Why write about this?

Ultimately, it comes down to timing. I can either write my story or have it written for me. It is a demon that will haunt me my entire life and unless I summon the courage to fight it now, it will become all consuming. I thought I had dealt with my issues, in truth, I hadn’t. 5 years of work and I find myself exactly where I didn’t want to be.

Relationships are built on openness, trust, and vulnerability. If I can’t allow myself to be open, then my demon will manifest in other forms. Most likely in the forms of rage, sadness, and shame. And perhaps even fear. And I can’t have that. I want to be better.

Why not Journal?

I have, my journal is littered with my thoughts. However, there is a certain liberty in telling others. Over the years I have slowly gotten better at telling my story. It was hard when I truly opened up in private. In fact, I had a bit of a meltdown. It was a little argument over nothing and for no reason at all I brought up my Father. I thought my friends would shun me, but they didn’t.

And if I have so much trouble, even after working through most of my issues, imagine how many are out there who think they are alone, much like I did. It’s not fair and I say enough is enough. Children of Alcoholics deserve better, Families of Alcoholics deserve better… So it might not count for much but I’d like to at least try to provide some comfort for you and myself.

Children of Alcoholics

Perhaps those who suffer the most from a parents drinking. Children aren’t born independent, however, in most families they become independent. In families with alcoholics however, they remain dependent. They try so hard to please a parent who is unresponsive at best and at worst, responsive in all the wrong ways. They begin to blame themselves for problems they can’t control and feel guilty should they try to help the parent who is struggling. They are the ones who have to watch an alcoholic stumble home every night and slowly die. Alcoholism does not kill quickly. More likely than not, an alcoholic can live well into their 70’s or 80’s. And this is a lifetime of torment. What was once love for the parent turns into frustration, then resentment, and then bitterness. And because the alcoholic seemingly does not care, these emotions cause the child to hate themselves. They search for answers and find none.

Why does one become an alcoholic?

There can be numerous reasons as to why one starts drinking and it can be both situational and genetic (aka compulsive and addictive personalities). People drink more during depressions (or recessions), when they lose a job, or simply if they’ve had a stressful week (deadlines to meet, people to please, etc). The reason I believe however, is the simple reason they convince themselves they are unworthy of being loved and in doing so, it becomes prophecy. They believe so much that they don’t deserve love, that they are pitied, that eventually it becomes true even if it was untrue before; it is extremely heartbreaking to see.

It creates a cycle. And instead of receiving help, they play victim. They try to argue the opposite and flip the victim card unto you. Alcoholics have a tough time being vulnerable (don’t we all?) and are often too proud (or afraid) to truly open up. It is them against the world and they will use anything at their disposal to justify their habit.

If you’re wondering what emotion alcoholics feel the most, it’s shame and to the highest degree. Behind the Anger, behind the sadness, behind the fear, there is shame. If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t have seen a pattern in my own Father’s drinking. My Father sought treatment and has been going off and on. And every time I see him I have to wonder if he’s been drinking. However, there are days he is guaranteed to drink. More recently, his birthday. Most recently, Mothers Day. The next day I can almost guarantee will be Father’s Day. Days of celebration turn into days of torment for an alcoholic. Most tend to reflect on these days, whether they realize it or not. And unfortunately, most can’t see past the darkness they create.

The Alcoholism Paradox

It took me years to realize this and as far as I know, this term doesn’t exist. But there is a paradox that comes with drinking and it is this; the more an alcoholic drinks, the less they will remember. So, when one argues with an alcoholic, it becomes almost impossible to reason with them. Why? Because an alcoholic will oftentimes blackout and not remember the evening. And thus creates the paradox. For an alcoholic to truly heal they need to acknowledge and be open with their behavior, however, when confronted, the alcoholic oftentimes thinks the confrontation is an attempt to make them look bad and that they possibly couldn’t have done all the things one claims they have done.

Is Alcoholism a Disease?

In the end, it doesn’t matter so much whether or not alcoholism is classified as a disease. In my personal opinion, it is not. To put alcoholism (also referred to as alcohol abuse) on the same level as someone diagnosed as cancer is less than tasteful. And in the end, it makes no difference. Behavior is behavior. Actions are actions. Alcohol inhibits judgement and simply makes someone more of what they already are (or who they see themselves to be). It is not an excuse for lashing out at others even if it makes it easier to do so.

Is Alcoholism a Moral Failing?

No. Alcoholism is neither good nor evil. It’s easy to paint an alcoholic as a villain, as some being devoid of a soul. However, they are not. If anything alcoholism represents an exaggeration of the human struggle. However, in most cases, most alcoholics never reach redemption. There is no hero’s return and all that could’ve been never was. That’s not to say these statistics can’t change, however, it would take a complete societal overhaul to do so.

Can alcohol abuse be cured?

Yes. The simple answer is yes. How do I know? I’ve seen it and I’ve heard stories. However, it is not how we imagine. Instead of never drinking again, the once alcoholic might have a drink a night (or not at all). They learn to moderate their consumption. It would be great if they never touched a drink again, however, in most cases this is far from realistic.

Ideally, the system would be set up professionally. Instead of going into rehab, an alcoholic should first be diagnosed by a professional (in the field of medicine). Not necessarily for their drinking but rather any underlying conditions they might have, such as depression. Then one might introduce the alcoholic to individual counseling and later on they should gradually reduce the amount they drink through a detox center. Afterwards, they should be introduced to rehab in addition to support groups (groups such as AA, although I wish there were more). The key word being “should”.

Does Rehab work?

No. At least, not in the United States. Rehab in the U.S. has a hefty price tag and does absolutely nothing. It’s a business and everyone suffers for this fact. A lot of programs don’t monitor the patients and try to offer a quick fix for a cure. They take advantage of those who want to get better and it’s a damn shame. Patients get shuffled from clinic to clinic and the only ones who benefit are those who own the clinic. If you’re curious as to how rehab works in the United States, here is some of the limited research I was able to find on the subject:

VICE DOCUMENTARY

JON OLIVER SEGMENT

My Story

How long have I known? Since Elementary School, so well over 15 years. The first instance I can remember is when I wandered upstairs one morning, entered the bathroom, and found about 5 empty wine glasses on the counter. And growing up I remember my Father slept a lot. He worked 12 to 16 hour days (5 in the morning till 5 in the evening) and when the evenings rolled around, he would either be sailing or asleep by 6. On the weekends? Yard-work or sleeping. It was exciting when we would go out as a family, however, excitement eventually turned into disappointment and embarrassment…

In Middle School, I was part of a bowling league. Every Saturday I’d go, and while it was fun, I always felt uncomfortable when my Father would place bets on whether or not I could make tricky shots. More uncomfortable was how he could never let anyone else pay for a meal (we always got breakfast before league) as though he was doing the other parents a favor. In Boy Scouts, he was always involved, however, it always felt like he cared more about the other children than his own. He would constantly be helping out and we were left to our own devices (so long as we didn’t wander too far). If we wanted to walk around our neighborhood? We had walkie talkies.

In High School, the economy crashed and while he had always drunk, it was far more noticeable at this point. And while our financial situation had changed, his spending habits did not. He still sailed and he still had a loving family, so there was very little reason to change. At this point in time, I believe my brother had just graduated High School and was enrolled in College. Also during this period, my Father bought a tractor (that was the day my brother and I stopped mowing the lawn) and as if that weren’t bad enough, drove it down the street to offer his help in mowing our neighbors lawns. As much as I wish I could make this up or add spice to the story, this is literally what happened. I chuckle now but it was quite embarrassing at the time. Anyways, fast forward to my senior year and my brother was forced to drop out of College due to “costs”. I was worried but looked past the situation as I had just been accepted to university. My Father had “promised” I would be taken care of and at this point I still trusted him, despite years of broken promises. During this period we had been to family counseling. My High School counselor was able to identify that something was wrong and while I saw the school psychologist for a bit, it was eventually recommended that we see counseling as a family. I was excited to go. And then my Father turned it into a joke… He truly believed he didn’t need counseling, that there was nothing wrong with him. And then I was off to College.

As a Freshman it was extremely difficult. I tried coming home on the weekends, however, my Father would always be drinking. And once my dog died, I stopped going home altogether. I was angry, ashamed, afraid, and sad. So many times I wanted to give up, yet I kept going. Eventually, after another argument at home over finances, I knew student loans were my only option. My Father made enough to support his family, however, due to his drinking and gambling addictions, we barely had enough money to buy bread. People would see our 3 car garage and think my family was well off when in reality we barely had enough money to keep the electricity going (and not even). When I started taking control of my finances, a miracle happened. I no longer had to join a class 2 or 3 weeks late (classes were 10 weeks for perspective) and when I got a job, I had just enough to get by. And my roommates? They were beyond understanding even if they didn’t know the details. I would not have graduated if it weren’t for great roommates, plain and simple. And my Mom. She worked while I was in College and that extra bit made all the difference. My Father would sporadically help, however, that would only be after arguing with my Mom for God knows how many hours. And I went into extreme budgeting, literally surviving off of eggs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Rent was as cheap as it could get and I never bought textbooks unless I absolutely had to.

Then my Father totaled our jeep… Another drunken escapade. He was forced into rehab and that was the only time I had ever truly seen (actually, more like heard) him sober. He wasn’t happy that his drinking had finally caught up to him and that, after all those years, his license was finally suspended. I took this chance to severe my relationship with my Father. At this point he was an obsession and I knew for myself to survive, I could only focus on myself. The conversation was less than pretty but I said what I needed to say. And from there I began to thrive. I became the person that no one would believe had trust issues and I was happy that I was finally able to break free from co-dependence. I had no one to blame for my actions but myself and I was finally free. If I’m not mistaken, it was around this time I stopped playing victim with my life and began to truly live it.

So come graduation, I decided to be the better man. I invited my Father to graduation and decided to give him one last chance. It was awkward but I felt it was the right thing to do. I wanted to see if we could reconcile, so after graduation I took a break. And for a while my Father was sober. He was going to AA meetings (I had always wanted him to go growing up) and we were having family dinners! It was wonderful and everything I could’ve ever wanted. And given a few more years, we might’ve resembled a family. However, nothing gold can stay. As soon as my Father got his license back, it was like a switch. He was mobile again and went for the nearest bar or liquor store… Did he resist the temptation? I can’t really say. Regardless of his thought process, the outcome remains the same; he is drinking again and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Where does our relationship stand?

There is no relationship left, there hasn’t been in years. I am proud of myself for giving my Father another chance and while it is my hope that he does stop drinking, I won’t be around to witness the day. I hope he learns to open up about his past and learn to truly trust others, even if they might hurt him. I hope he can be vulnerable, to allow himself to cry and not think himself weak. And I hope he continues to seek help and it saddens me that this is the bridge I must cross, but cross it I must.

A relationship cannot exist without trust. And after a lifetime of broken promises, lies told, and feeling like I didn’t matter, the trust is gone. I can run from reality or I can face it. This is not easy to say let alone hear. However, it is important that I acknowledge the fact.

I will be fine. The goals I’ve set for myself I’ve accomplished and the pain has become bearable. I am independent and it’s time to step forward into the world once more…


And with that, my mental health awareness series comes to a close. A month of writing and many hours spent researching the various topics as well as reflecting on my own life. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders; I’m glad I was finally able to talk about this difficult subject after so many years. When I wrote my “Journey’s End” series on vulnerability, I mentioned one demon I could not yet tackle and I thought I never would… However, today and here on after I can proudly say I have. Thanks for reading and I hope you’ve found some benefit from my mental health series.

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