Late night musing: June 2020 (Now February 2021) Apocalypse Edition

Another late night in the Pandemic, sleep increasingly harder to come by. When I was in College, I remember writing in my journal late at night, making sense of my thoughts. In recent years, I have found less of a need to journal. My stress levels are typically low and the journal entries went from my darkest shadows to generally upbeat and hopeful. Now, it feels like information fatigue, losing the ability to disconnect from the world in my isolation. My thoughts race and while I can control how I think and approach problems, silencing my late night thoughts has become more elusive. When I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, I’ve been programming. Spending hours coding and eventually watching the sunrise through my window. I’ve been watching Netflix off and on, trying to keep my interest with shows,”Patriot Act” being a personal favorite. But I can’t seem to find balance, and the calm I do find, is fleeting. My whole life I’ve positioned myself for success but have seemingly fallen on my face time and time again. Happiness is fleeting and while I’m not depressed, I am anxious even though I arguably understand my anxiety better now than I did before.

Throughout the Pandemic, I’ve gotten back into the art of doing. Less talk, more action. But to what end? In my pursuit of knowledge, I am left with the haunting fact that the world is run by morons, at least in the United States.

This article is written sporadically. If I wake up in the night, I write here. I thought I was done after getting one good nights rest.

It is now 2021, February, 6am. I, as of now, have been writing since 2am. Going to bed at 10pm, I woke up and spent a brief moment trying to lull myself back to sleep. Instead, I “made” a hot pocket, poured some coffee and got to work on my mental health awareness month articles for May. Most likely, I’ll stay up for a couple more hours and then take a “nap” around 9am, waking up once more around 2pm or 3. Then I’ll do basically nothing until bed, which now ranges from 9pm to 6am; without a job, time has begun to lost its meaning. But it’s important to simply write, capture a moment and today has been arguably the most productive in the last couple of weeks. But the Pandemic is taking its toll, I’m ok with acknowledging that now. No amount of meditation will fix that (although I’d probably have gone insane if I didn’t). So here we are, wrapping up my late night thoughts, which has now transitioned into early morning thoughts. I’ll probably finish up a couple more articles before bed or give in and watch Zac Efron’s “Down to Earth” which has been quite enjoyable to watch thus far. Who knows where the day will take me, I write my own rules now.

Day ??? into the Apocalypse

Hello Everyone! I hope you’re doing well. Last Monday I made the decision to stay home from my Call Center job amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. We do not have a remote option for my department and I am left to figure it out as I go. It’s made me realize that I desperately needed a vacation and disgusted with the fact, that as an American, we have been brainwashed to accept the conditions we work under. They could always be worse, yes, but not by much. I had to choose either my health or to work and make money during the Pandemic, and while I don’t regret my decision, I find it funny how employees break their backs for employers and once adversity strikes, employers are typically unwilling to do the same. I could go on about the mess of the situation my company has put me in but honestly, I’m glad. I’ve been thinking of quitting for the longest time now and this just might be the straw that broke the camels back.

As far as my plan, I don’t really have one. I’ve played around with a couple ideas in my lifetime and this really is the first time I get to decide who I want to become. The last year and 10 months I’ve coasted along, going out and simply enjoying life while hating my job. I’ve been waiting for a promotion that never came, and a pay raise that wasn’t enough. The Pandemic is essentially hitting the reset button for me. This blog, at the moment, is my main source of income. I do some freelance customer service here and there, but I typically don’t make more than enough to cover a cup of coffee (not that I’ll be getting one for a long while). I spend about $100 a year for this blog and it’s been a dream of mine to make money from this hobby. Rare? Yes. Impossible? No. As much as I’d love to ramp up production of content, I am only one Man. I write and edit all my content and that takes time that I typically don’t have to invest.

My main expense currently is my student loans. A degree in Management with an option in International business was not cheap. $34,000 that could have been used to invest, currently being spent on an education that has seemingly been not worth the cost. That said, I’m happy to say my student loans in the last year alone have been paid down to $14,000. My goal for the year was to have the loans entirely paid off and I’m still holding myself to that. I’ve made a concentrated effort and put myself in a good spot. To help with this major expense, I am going to have a $3 a post payment method (you can do multiple payments per post if inclined) that is completely optional. This money will go directly to my Paypal. There will be a link in every post and I will be taking feedback in regards to payment methods. I will also be publishing my poetry book (no ETA yet) and will charge $5 per copy, so expect a post on that when it becomes available. Beyond this, when the Pandemic ends, I hope to be in a better position to ultimately begin a career in Freelance.

Thanks for reading! Expect more content in the coming months. I’m still in the planning phases currently but I’m expecting to write more update posts to keep everyone in the loop as I begin to venture outside of this blog with my writing. Hopefully the next post will have a link to a published book, in the meantime, your support means the world to me. Stay safe everyone and wash those hands!

Help Mike pay off his student loans!

Hi All, Any support would be greatly appreciated! Student loans at the time of posting are $14,588.56. I will update everyone periodically as progress is made and hopefully we can get this paid down by the end of the year!


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