Tag: pursuit of happiness

Journey’s Beginning: There are no ends

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.

Orson Welles

The Beginning?

So here we are again, at the beginning. Or is it the end? I am trying to find myself. My decisions, my choices have led here to this moment. And I am proud, but I am also broken. I have held the world on my shoulders for too long and it has left me hollow, an echo of my childhood self. The kid who dreamed, the kid who sang, and the kid who never gave up. The kid who wanted the world to be a better place only to watch his heroes die and the shadows infest the very flame that burned so bright.

The Cycle Ends

To be fair, the last ten years have seen tremendous growth in my life. A lot of tough choices and no easy answers. I understand myself and know I cannot exist as I am. I came back home and said goodbye to my Dad as alcohol consumed him. My once hero became my sparring partner and truth be told I’ve been lost without him. In another reality he never touched a bottle and I could spend this portion of my life asking him advice, having him guide me in an uncertain world. Instead, I can visit his grave and hope he is watching over me. My questions are told to an urn as I slowly lose my mind.

As I prepare for New Zealand, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends. Beers on the weekends, game nights, and running. I’m grateful that I’ve nurtured these relationships over decades and have the capacity to create new ones. I’ve been treating my working visa as if I’m on my deathbed and it’s made me appreciate what I have all the more.

What I’ve been missing in my life has been hope and love which has proven to be my undoing. When I was younger, I wish I had appreciated the love I had, because I never realized that one day it would be gone. I was reminded the other day what it means to still have a heart that beats and as I feel the blood slowly come back into my body, I leave my life in the hands of the fates. I want to believe it will all work out as it was meant to even as I watch my once safe world crumble before my eyes. Life is tough but worth living.

The Cycle Begins

This chapter of my life is about finding myself and perhaps even building a new fire from within. New Zealand is my hard reset. It has forced my hand to lay a foundation of success. I have a long ways to go before I’m ready but everything is in motion. I have sacrificed pleasure for the past 6 months to have enough money saved up to pay off my student loans. We are here; after this month they will be gone. Now my focus has shifted towards personal finance; I don’t just want to survive, I want to thrive. I’ve started looking at credit card usage, have been investing for the last year, and am planning to get a second credit card before I head overseas. I’ve cut subscription costs since the pandemic and now only have what I use on a consistent basis. The other path to success has been focusing on my skillset and knowing my value; versatility will be king if I am to spend the next couple years traveling. New Zealand, Ireland, and Japan is my current three year plan; when I next arrive in the US, I will be a different man.

For my US send off and to end my twenties on a high note, I opted to run a half marathon. Since I started my training back in April, I can now run 13 miles with relative ease and the next couple months will be focused on getting faster. Physically, I feel better than I did when I ran cross country and it seems fitting that as I get ready for the next decade, I reconnect with an activity that has given me so much joy over the years.

Living my Dreams

Since an early age, I have wanted to travel and experience the world. I achieved this dream when I did study abroad in Mosbach, Germany. This time, it’ll be New Zealand and it’s all on me. Housing, Work, and a one way plane ticket. What better way to spend my first year as a thirty year old? As I get closer to October, the more excited I become. And what’s even better is I’ll finally get to write about travel once more. I’m also planning to bring my camera, so I’ll be trying to get out and take as many photos as I can while I’m overseas. Just me, in a land of strangers. It’s just what the doctor ordered and it’s one of those few moments in life that just makes sense. While I can take a small breath with my student loans, these next couple months will be crucial. I am focused and I am motivated, so bring it world.

And that’s a wrap. If you had asked me a year ago that my crazy dream of traveling and living abroad once more would become reality, I would have wondered if it would ever work. Does lightning strike twice? Apparently it does. So this year will be a busy year! Luckily, all I need to blog is a computer and an internet connection! Cheers to the future and get ready for more travel content as I prepare for my trip!

Mental Health Awareness Month 2022: An End to Social Media Version 2.0

It is that time of year again. This month is all about mental health. This year, if I’m not mistaken, will be my forth year talking about all things mental health. Last year I covered social media in the most rudimentary form. Broken and withered from the Pandemic, I wrote an article in the heat of the moment and since then was wondering how I could improve the topic. When I wrote what was essentially a rough draft for how I wanted to live my life in the modern age, I had no answers for questions I found myself facing. Last year I ended the article with “I have no solution”, which in hindsight, doesn’t make for a great read. There was no call to action, only despair. As promised from last year, I’m trying a new approach with my mental health articles. I’m approaching them from a more upbeat perspective and am focused more on practical articles.

A life without social media

Part of the goal with this article is to start discussing the implications of social media in modern society. When I wrote “Goodbye Social Media” I worked on it at different stages; a few weeks and then a couple months of a complete disconnect. Since then, it’s been a lot of trial and error as I’ve begun to navigate life without Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter (not to mention Snapchat and TikTok). Overall, not much seems amiss. A year in and I can safely say I’m OK. The first few months were a lot of uninstalling and reinstalling but past that point I accomplished my goal. If people want to reach me, they can have my phone number. If they want to make sure I’m not dead? They can read my blog.

The health implications

I read a lot. So it’s to my surprise there is so little literature on the impact of social media and there is little debate on the consequences of letting technology dictate our lives. Recently, I have noticed mild interest beyond the occasional sensation piece and that was sparked most recently by Facebook. Yet if I were to do a search, I would still find very little. I am against a Mark Zuckerberg Metaverse and in all reality, Metaverses in general. Technology is a tool, not a way of life.

Am I the only one?

The experiment has ultimately been a musing in isolation. How much agency do we have if we venture past social norms? Am I the weird one for having people contact me via text? I had someone ask me for my Instagram recently and I told them I did a full social media disconnect. All-in-all when I mention this to people the response has been positive and I have yet to have someone respond in the negative.

The Dating Apps

The dating apps are where I struggle the most. These are the apps that get reinstalled and uninstalled on a regular cycle. Over the last year, it has become less frequent as I’ve started to approach dating differently. I don’t care much for dating other than the fact that ultimately I do not want to die alone. I miss early childhood and romance that lasted well into college. When one could simply chat with someone and let a relationship develop organically. Now, I am Nickle and dimed for the opportunity of love. I have tried every dating app from Earth to Alpha Centauri and they have only led to a handful of dates; many conversations that ultimately go nowhere.

My Social Media Indulgence

Over the course of my experiment I briefly discovered reddit. After a couple months, I’ve uninstalled it and hope it stays that way. Reddit isn’t bad compared to some of the other social media out there but it offers no real benefit and has made sleep difficult the last couple of months.

What does it all mean?

Is there any true benefit to a full social media disconnect? As far as tangible data on myself, I have none. Do I overall feel better? Yes. But what does that mean? Is it truly better to not be constantly scrolling through social media and seeing an ad every other post on Facebook? In theory, yes. But does it lead to a more fulfilling life, more productivity, etc.? That is tougher to say. When I removed the need to post, has that somehow damaged my social standing? That should I not post through a tinted lens I simply disappear from this universe? Most likely not, but you have to wonder.

How has it been?

Overall, great! LinkedIn is the most I use and outside of that I’m just living inside my small bubble. I hang out with friends and every aspect of my life has been localized. The next step I suppose is to talk more openly about moving away from social media. I’m beyond curious to know what others are doing. Social Media used to rule over my life but now it simply is. A minimal digital footprint, much like I had when I was growing up. When I was growing up, computer labs were just being introduced to classrooms and the internet rocked. Now it’s a minefield to navigate and I just can’t convince myself society is benefitting from it as a whole. I’d like to talk more about it in the future but for now I’m ok with the conversations I have had. If you are curious about my original journey, I’ll include the link below. It’s a fascinating piece to reread now that I’ve been off social media for quite a while now.

And as typical, this month will ramp up as I explore every aspect of mental health. The two articles planned for the next couple weeks are an exploration into my name and it’s link to my identity and then a delve into my fathers death and it’s impact on me. The articles are helpful to write so that I don’t become closed off and so that I can express myself in healthy manners.

Last years social media article: Goodbye Social Media

Thanks for reading!