“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
I grabbed a branch and held on for dear life.
Hi, yes, so I’m not dead. It has been many months since I last wrote. Why? I’ve been busy living and working. Originally, the plan was to write extensively like I did when I was in Germany almost a decade ago. However, study abroad and a working holiday visa are two very different experiences. Germany was a journey to share while I figured it out. New Zealand, on the other hand, is a journey best left to be shared at the end. So I’ll start the article with a snippet I took from an unfinished article. Then, we’ll move into the end of my journey. I’ll talk about my travels and key takeaways. I’ll add I few questions for engagement, so keep an eye out! Then, we’ll finish!
“If you could travel, where would you go?”
A Little Blast from the past: The Beginning
So I did try writing earlier in the trip! Some articles were published others were not, I took a few excerpts from the unpublished ones to put in here as a fun way to highlight some of my earlier thoughts as I was going through my travels:
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So here we are, a few months into my visa and the trip has been working as intended. The goal wasn’t so much a grand adventure as it was a chance to give myself a nice reset. There has been a learning curve, for sure, but each day I learn something new about myself. This trip will define my next decade, so it’s something that had to be done. It was difficult to leave everything behind in the U.S. I’m learning to be more assertive in my approach to life and be more comfortable with imperfection. I’m a people pleaser at my core so advocating for what I want has been a puzzle for me.
Blame, Less
So this year, I’m putting the past behind me. To do so, I’m making an effort to blame no one for the past. Rather than dwell, I’m putting an emphasis on things simply being the way they are. As part of that effort, I’m trying to write less about the past. By doing this, I gain more focus on the future. My conversations about the past have run their course and the journey I was on is no longer relevant. I am attending Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings (ACA). I am also gaining more confidence with relationships. The pendulum is slowly swinging in the right direction.
Who Am I?
That is the question I am asking myself on this trip. What is my purpose and where do I want to go? My work is casual. I work once every couple of weeks or when shifts are available. This schedule gives me a lot of time on my hands. And a lot of that time has been spent doing a whole lot of nothing. I do not have the drive I once did and my boundless energy has become more bounded.
Focusing on Writing a Book
So I have a renewed focus on writing a book while I’m here. I have a few ideas for a horror story, a potential self-help book, and a poetry book. Earlier, I read a friend’s book and have felt inspired to take the leap myself. I have 6 months at my Airbnb. I hope to have a good start by the time June rolls around.
Setting A schedule
At the moment, I don’t really need to set a schedule. Falling into the habit of waking up late is easy. I often spend the day chatting with my 27 other flat mates. Okay, maybe not all at once. As a talker, this is great. For productivity, not so much. If someone is talking to me, I try to put everything away. I find it challenging to prioritize getting work done. There is a shed in the back where I can get some peace. I ultimately choose to sit where people will be coming through often.
A different trip
The greatest shock of this trip is in fact, that it is not study abroad in Germany. In fact, it is not even close. It is survive, thrive, and take a break. There is no go, go, go. No next purpose, no next adventure. It is managing my limited resources to make for an enjoyable trip. I honestly have no idea what to do with myself and that is perfect. It means my soul is still malleable and that I am still open.
“
“Would you take the initial risk to travel, even if it meant leaving the known behind?”
And every journey has a beginning, a middle, and an end, each stage weaving together to create the tapestry of our experiences.
The Middle
So I wrote during the middle of the trip and a lot of it was regarding traveling. A day trip here, a day trip there. A cold winter spent inside watching ‘Friends’ and a winter of making friends. It’s crazy to think that I simply lived. Looking back, there is beauty in that. The slower New Zealand days are now some of my favorite. Playing Catan till three am every morning. Drinking more than I should. Bowling, going to play board games twice a week. Reading a few books, going to boutique cinemas. Not to mention volunteering at a community garden, free restaurant, and bike repair shop.
A Few Stories:
My favorite story to tell is that when I first arrived, I was afraid to cook. Someone in the house had made fries and I thought it was impossible. I made cheese cubes, ate plain rice, and had pasta. It was a sad diet. And then I started going to Sunday markets and I decided to start cooking with potatoes. Then I tried making fries and it become my go to snack. I made them well and they were easy. I realized in that moment that sometimes you just have to try.
Or when I started going to Saturday writers meetups to get started on my book. I have one paragraph written. Regardless, it was a cool experience to try. I’ve never joined a writing group before but I’ll definitely look for the opportunity back home.
And another, where I got so drunk one night that we wandered the town. What did we find? A trolley (shopping cart), which I was promptly wheeled back home in.
“Where do you find meaning in a journey?”
Endings can be daunting, yet they remind us that nothing lasts forever.
Journey’s End
So here we are, at the end. When I arrived to New Zealand, I was but a child. As I leave, I leave with more independence and confidence in myself, which was the ultimate goal. I wasn’t satisfied back home and needed to escape. I’ve found how much I truly enjoy traveling. New Zealand is a beautiful country and to be able to live in it was a true blessing.
The Last Month
I lived and worked 11 months in Wellington, my city and one of the best cities to live out there. I started as a corporate box host. I worked for the national museum of New Zealand. I finished as a chef at a board game cafe. It was huge for someone who never really cooked in their life. So, last month I decided to travel. I explored the South Island’s West Coast. Then I visited Mount Cook, Lake Tekapo, and Milford Sound. Then from Wellington all the way to the tip of the North Island. It was crazy, messy, and all together beautiful.
What I achieved
- A successful relationship –
I had a relationship overseas, and it was absolutely wonderful, even if it was super brief. I used to think I’d be single for the rest of my life. Now, I have hope that past failures in love will not dictate future results. - Living less of the high life and a more practical life –
When I arrived in New Zealand, I wanted the best. I aimed for the best experiences. I ate out quite a bit, I drank, and I chose an expensive hostel. In Wellington, I started to OP shop (buy secondhand) and even picked up sewing as a skill! I bought flour and learned to bake and as I chef, I learned to cook. I saved a lot of money after I figured out how to be a proper backpacker. - Found a part of my soul –
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve felt very stagnant in life. Spinning wheels and going nowhere. New Zealand has been the opposite. The effort I put in, I got back ten fold. I stopped worrying about climbing the corporate ladder and let life slow down. I went on walks and just took joy in the simply pleasures, with things such as baking. - Realized giving up isn’t an option –
I’d been a quitter back home in the US. I was resigned to shitty jobs and just playing video games or watching TV. Part of living for the full year was to take jumper cables to my soul and reach deep within to restore what I had thought to be lost. So I’m back to doubling down like a used to and going all in even though it’s terrifying. I live in less fear and more in hope than I did a year ago. - Adversity should be embraced –
So nothing really went quite to plan, and I had to learn to be okay with that fact. I never put my foot and set boundaries back home, so here I got a nice reality check. To get what I wanted, I needed to stand up for myself and ask for what I wanted. My whole life, I thought I had done this, but I hadn’t. Now, I’m better at dealing with authority and treating myself as an equal. It feels relatively nice.
A Summary of what I learned:
I love a good adventure. My accomplishments this trip were no small feat. I had no idea what I was doing when I set out on this journey. I was leaving my known world behind for the unknown, praying it would be better. My key takeaway is that nothing is impossible and what is broken can be fixed.
And it was not a perfect journey! I had to fight my internal demons and I wasn’t sure who would win. I wanted to quit after three months but the goal was always a year. Persevere and then persevere more.
Australia
So I will mention now, that come 2025, I’ll be moving to Australia to repeat this experience all over again! I’ve been granted a visa and plan to stay three years. My time in the US will strictly be to make enough money to fund the initial move. Originally I was thinking Ireland and then Canada. Enough people were able to convince me Australia would be better and I’m glad they did!
There will be more on Australia but for now the plan to start in Melbourne. The dream is to become a barista with farm work mixed in. I’ll stay as long as I can and then see where life takes me.
The End
I wish there was more to say. The truth is a lot of the journey is hard for me to fully articulate into words. These journeys are truly best experienced firsthand. I left my hobbit hole what feels like ages ago and now I return home ready for a good rest. Will the Shire be as I left it? I have a couple days left in New Zealand and everything to be done, has been done. I have no regrets. Until the next tale.
The Actual End
So, my year is at an end. I will be back home for the holidays and I’m looking for time to relax. I’m better than I was before I left but I am tired. I’m ready for a break to settle and then unsettle myself once more. Traveling in my thirties is scary but so good for me. My writing is rusty. With any luck, it will return once I get back to the states. I’ll have time to unwind. As always thanks for reading and joining me on these journeys!
“Is a journey sad when it’s over or can it be enjoyed for what it was?”
So go out and travel! Embrace the experiences that come your way! You don’t have to know everything; just take that first step! I encourage you to respond to any questions in the comments or ask me anything about travel! And please share your travel stories—I’d love to hear them and connect with your adventures!
If I can become a chef with no cooking experience, then truly anything is possible. Remember, the only limits you have are the ones you place on yourself. Step out of your comfort zone, and let the world surprise you!
To the Moon 