We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.
Orson Welles
The Beginning?
So here we are again, at the beginning. Or is it the end? I am trying to find myself. My decisions, my choices have led here to this moment. And I am proud, but I am also broken. I have held the world on my shoulders for too long and it has left me hollow, an echo of my childhood self. The kid who dreamed, the kid who sang, and the kid who never gave up. The kid who wanted the world to be a better place only to watch his heroes die and the shadows infest the very flame that burned so bright.
The Cycle Ends
To be fair, the last ten years have seen tremendous growth in my life. A lot of tough choices and no easy answers. I understand myself and know I cannot exist as I am. I came back home and said goodbye to my Dad as alcohol consumed him. My once hero became my sparring partner and truth be told I’ve been lost without him. In another reality he never touched a bottle and I could spend this portion of my life asking him advice, having him guide me in an uncertain world. Instead, I can visit his grave and hope he is watching over me. My questions are told to an urn as I slowly lose my mind.
As I prepare for New Zealand, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends. Beers on the weekends, game nights, and running. I’m grateful that I’ve nurtured these relationships over decades and have the capacity to create new ones. I’ve been treating my working visa as if I’m on my deathbed and it’s made me appreciate what I have all the more.
What I’ve been missing in my life has been hope and love which has proven to be my undoing. When I was younger, I wish I had appreciated the love I had, because I never realized that one day it would be gone. I was reminded the other day what it means to still have a heart that beats and as I feel the blood slowly come back into my body, I leave my life in the hands of the fates. I want to believe it will all work out as it was meant to even as I watch my once safe world crumble before my eyes. Life is tough but worth living.
The Cycle Begins
This chapter of my life is about finding myself and perhaps even building a new fire from within. New Zealand is my hard reset. It has forced my hand to lay a foundation of success. I have a long ways to go before I’m ready but everything is in motion. I have sacrificed pleasure for the past 6 months to have enough money saved up to pay off my student loans. We are here; after this month they will be gone. Now my focus has shifted towards personal finance; I don’t just want to survive, I want to thrive. I’ve started looking at credit card usage, have been investing for the last year, and am planning to get a second credit card before I head overseas. I’ve cut subscription costs since the pandemic and now only have what I use on a consistent basis. The other path to success has been focusing on my skillset and knowing my value; versatility will be king if I am to spend the next couple years traveling. New Zealand, Ireland, and Japan is my current three year plan; when I next arrive in the US, I will be a different man.
For my US send off and to end my twenties on a high note, I opted to run a half marathon. Since I started my training back in April, I can now run 13 miles with relative ease and the next couple months will be focused on getting faster. Physically, I feel better than I did when I ran cross country and it seems fitting that as I get ready for the next decade, I reconnect with an activity that has given me so much joy over the years.
Living my Dreams
Since an early age, I have wanted to travel and experience the world. I achieved this dream when I did study abroad in Mosbach, Germany. This time, it’ll be New Zealand and it’s all on me. Housing, Work, and a one way plane ticket. What better way to spend my first year as a thirty year old? As I get closer to October, the more excited I become. And what’s even better is I’ll finally get to write about travel once more. I’m also planning to bring my camera, so I’ll be trying to get out and take as many photos as I can while I’m overseas. Just me, in a land of strangers. It’s just what the doctor ordered and it’s one of those few moments in life that just makes sense. While I can take a small breath with my student loans, these next couple months will be crucial. I am focused and I am motivated, so bring it world.
And that’s a wrap. If you had asked me a year ago that my crazy dream of traveling and living abroad once more would become reality, I would have wondered if it would ever work. Does lightning strike twice? Apparently it does. So this year will be a busy year! Luckily, all I need to blog is a computer and an internet connection! Cheers to the future and get ready for more travel content as I prepare for my trip!
To the Moon 