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Was it worth it: A reflection piece.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a reflection piece. I’m happy with my update post (I based the design off of developer patch notes) but it’s not enough. I’ve worked hard to free myself from my shackles and be a better person and for the most part I have. Yet I am still living dual lives. I thought over time the “Old Mike” and the “New Mike” would merge yet that hasn’t been the case. It turns out however far I run, life always seems to have different plans.

I find success only to have it ripped away from me over and over again. My world has and I suppose will always be in a state of chaos. It’s by no lack of effort on my part but rather always a series of unfortunate events. The straw that broke the camels back was when I had a contract with my dream company. Most of my life has built towards this moment, reaching the finish line. I saw the good in the business world and truly believed that I had finally made it, only to be cut down by the political nature of Corporate America. And I am at a loss. I pick myself up and have nowhere to go.

And here I am, split between being honest and being correct. My world has been a firm handshake, a quick smile, and language so polished that it’ll make your ears bleed. And I’m tired of it. With over 300 contacts on LinkedIn, it might be time to hang up the towel. What I’ve built has become ash and I feel nothing. The money is nice but at the end of the day, it’s an obsession not worth having. I am tired of being used as a tool, or worse, a weapon. I learned as much as I could so that I could help others yet that same intelligence has only ever brought misery. The more I learn, the more I wish I didn’t know. Americans bathe in ignorance and it’s tough to see.

During my search, someone I trusted introduced me to Amway disguised under the pretense of “Alticor”. I went through the process and saw how some choose to make their money. An honest answer is it made me feel dirty, so I walked away. Is this the right answer, I can’t really say. The business model is sound and works for those with enough motivation, yet the reverse pyramid is still a pyramid. And at the end of the day, I must follow my heart. Corny, yes, but the truth nonetheless.

I don’t know who to trust anymore and it’s a damn shame. I love my friends and I love myself and for me that’s enough. It’s when I’ve put my faith in my professional network is when I’ve been hurt. Interesting to say the least.

This said, I am done hiding. It’s time to find just what all I am capable of. I am finally doing what I want and while I sacrifice the security of Corporate America, I don’t want to die in a cubicle. I thought I could waltz into an organization and change the world, yet I realize that change starts at the grassroots. My whole goal with writing and now photography has been to give myself a voice. It’s liberating to talk and have others listen. Now that I have, I want to focus on what I care about and not worry so much about reputation. So, cheers. Let’s build something together, it’s time I finally got my priorities straight.


A late night musing and I have to say, it felt great. I’ve been feeling anxious since graduation trying to find my place in the world but I came to realize that it has always been the route of the entrepreneur. What that will look, God only knows but in my never-ending pursuit of happiness, this is worth pursuing. Thanks for all your support throughout the years, it has meant the world to me. As I continue to grow, may you grow along with me and if I can inspire just one person from the work I do, then I’ll have done my job.

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Finding my zen

So, I’ve been fumbling around for the past month figuring out what my next post is going to be. I’ve started numerous drafts and while a lot of them are great ideas, they’re not quite ready. I want to be creative with my blog and try new topics, but I’m not willing to sacrifice quality simply to try a new idea. So this post? This will be more a reflection and a beautiful arrangement of word vomit with a focus on taking it slow and enjoying life.


I’ve been back in the US for about 3 months now and I have to say, I definitely miss being in Germany. In Germany I could sit back, relax, and make my own schedule. Germany  I could be myself and figure out specifically who that person was (and where I wanted to take that person). I was happy. Fast forward to now and as I’ve done many times throughout my college career, I’ve pivoted.

Last year was the year I learned professionalism and my satisfaction was focused on the praise I received, of putting in the hours to simply make myself a better person and seeing the payoff. I was in a sense, a robot. Give me a command and I would do the output. The irony doesn’t escape me, as the processes I worked so hard to improve were that of emotional intelligence and communication. I internalized every concept I read and tried my best to practice each piece of advice given. Years prior, I simply let emotions such as anger, fear, sorrow, and shame control my every day. Or in short, every emotion other than happiness. It’s easier to hate than love, easier to seek revenge than forgiveness. So the man you see today is not the man you saw 5 years ago because very few people actually know that man. Everyone has their own story yet at the end of the day we still are the choices we make. I played the victim card for years, focusing on what I couldn’t control rather than what I could. It was always someone else’s fault and however justifiable, it wasn’t healthy. I hated the man I saw in the mirror and it was easier to look away than to talk to him. And then a strange thing happened. One day I started talking to that man. And slowly but surely, I got to know him better. And now? I can smile at that man and have him smile back. It’s a great feeling to say the least.

Where am I now?

I’m taking a step back. It’s been pure chaos since I’ve gotten back and while I can manage, it’s definitely taken it’s toll. All the healthy living techniques in the world couldn’t save me. I came back from Germany and tried to be Atlas. I thought I could tackle the world head on, with my new found sense of purpose and I couldn’t. I crumpled under the weight of my own ambition. So now I meditate, I cook, I run, read, and do everything that I enjoy. I’m not so focused on finding a job as I once was and am simply content with being me. It’s great and while some might call it giving up (topic for another day), I call it a weight being lifted (a shrug if you will). Because at the end of the day, the person who will care about you the most is you, so shouldn’t you enjoy every moment?


So there you have it, a little taste of my life. If you have any stories you want to share, feel free to post in the comments below. Like what you read? Share with your friends! Hope you enjoyed!

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